dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
