Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Are my feet made of real feet?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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