dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
