I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
