He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
