What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
