Your dad touched me again.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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