But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
