3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
