she sounds like chewbacca in bed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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