She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
