I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
