i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
