just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
