The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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