you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
