my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
