found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
