My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
