allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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