i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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