the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
