I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
