Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my shit smells like andre
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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