hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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