So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
