Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
