I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
