having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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