her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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