I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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