Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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