What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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