Ambien. No doubt about it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
