It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
