i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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