Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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