Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
