So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
