I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
