final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
