I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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