i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Less talking, more tequila
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
