You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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