So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
