I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
