It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
