how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
