Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
