video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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