How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
