would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
