I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
