great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
