It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
