Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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