U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am available for nakedness
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
