I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
