I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
