im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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