I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
